Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Need to vent!
Ok well I’m getting real with myself on 2 fronts. First my weight, I went shopping for bathers on Sunday – and well you can’t hide. There was a fat chick looking back at me, even if I put my stomach in, it made no difference. (my stomach and boobs are protruding at the same level!!) I had a moment looking at myself in that mirror. Everyone around me views me as a fat chick – not two ways about it. So then I got angry, very angry. How long am I going to keep doing this to myself?? There is no running, no quick fix. I know what I have to do, so why aren’t I doing it? Sure I can come up with millions of excuses, but that the end of the day, they don’t help. I can’t wear designer nice clothes, I don’t fit into half my clothes… I used to wear really nice clothes and have a lot of pride in my appearance, but the girl looking back at me in that mirror had lost her way. I didn’t even know her anymore, she was starting to drift through life. I have never been a drifter, I have always taken charge and I was the person who was always on the go (right or wrong). So who is this girl??? So I go angry. I went home and started planning my food
Its now Friday and I have been eating really well now for the last 5 days. I’m not moving. I’m still angry. I still ask myself who the hell are you and what have you done with Sam??? But I’m using this anger to drive me forward. This time I have to succeed. I want my 30’s to see a different me, one who gets my career back and one who looks bloody hot. I want people to say – wow you have 2 kids???? No way!! SAM COME BACK!!!!!
Second, Schools for our kids. I had to make some really hard decisions…really hard. Things like is it better for me to go back to work? to afford private schools, or is it better for me to be home with my kids?? What schools would I send them to? as all the state schools around here are really bad. I went to a state school and was scarred from it. Soooo I have talked to everyone about it. I also talked to my catholic friends, catholic school have fantastic education programs, and because they are catholic, the catholic church subsides the education so the cost is unbelievable low for a top rating education. So I thought long and hard. I’m Anglican, proud Anglican. Could I convert for the sake of my kids? Long story short…yes. I did, my kids are now catholic. A lot of people will judge me harshly on my decision, but its something I had to do for my kids. Now Thomas is guaranteed to go to St Bedes and Jess, I’m not sure yet. Their marks are just as good as private schools and I’m happy in my decision. As they get a fantastic education, and we still have money and time with our kids. So I’ll leave it there, I feel much better for the vent!
Its now Friday and I have been eating really well now for the last 5 days. I’m not moving. I’m still angry. I still ask myself who the hell are you and what have you done with Sam??? But I’m using this anger to drive me forward. This time I have to succeed. I want my 30’s to see a different me, one who gets my career back and one who looks bloody hot. I want people to say – wow you have 2 kids???? No way!! SAM COME BACK!!!!!
Second, Schools for our kids. I had to make some really hard decisions…really hard. Things like is it better for me to go back to work? to afford private schools, or is it better for me to be home with my kids?? What schools would I send them to? as all the state schools around here are really bad. I went to a state school and was scarred from it. Soooo I have talked to everyone about it. I also talked to my catholic friends, catholic school have fantastic education programs, and because they are catholic, the catholic church subsides the education so the cost is unbelievable low for a top rating education. So I thought long and hard. I’m Anglican, proud Anglican. Could I convert for the sake of my kids? Long story short…yes. I did, my kids are now catholic. A lot of people will judge me harshly on my decision, but its something I had to do for my kids. Now Thomas is guaranteed to go to St Bedes and Jess, I’m not sure yet. Their marks are just as good as private schools and I’m happy in my decision. As they get a fantastic education, and we still have money and time with our kids. So I’ll leave it there, I feel much better for the vent!
Friday, March 27, 2009
a down day...
Don’t you just love bathers shopping. It’s the best! NOT!! I really have seen today how much weight I have put on and well…..the picture didn’t look good at all. I’m really going to have to work a little harder at this!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Well Jess is 6 month and 3 weeks old. Thomas is approaching his 3 birthday and I’m left wondering where all the time has gone!!! My friend Marinda had her baby last Thursday – not a good experience for her either…down right scary! However at least they are alright now!
I’m finding myself busier than every before, and have to say looking forward to when Jess can walk and doesn’t need to be carried everywhere. She is a heavy girl and my back is on fire. I’m still trying to win lotto, I know people say it isn’t the answer to all their dreams, however it would go a long way to getting there. lol
I’m having my inlaws come over in the next couple of weeks and DH has already told them they are going to be looking after the kids a lot!!! As we have no family support otherwise its really hard to get time to ourselves and very expensive!! However I’m realizing now that it is something that we are just going to have to do. I have never hired a babysitter before and I’m very very nervous about it. Hence to say I think our first trip will only be a hour. Hopefully within time (like everything) I’ll get used to the idea.
Thomas is loving occasional care!! Just as I was really getting used to it, I discover he only has 2 sessions left and they are over for the term – that happened far too quick!! I’m thinking towards the end of the year I’m going to put him in 2 days so he is very used to the kinder routine.
Anyway that’s it from me :)
I’m finding myself busier than every before, and have to say looking forward to when Jess can walk and doesn’t need to be carried everywhere. She is a heavy girl and my back is on fire. I’m still trying to win lotto, I know people say it isn’t the answer to all their dreams, however it would go a long way to getting there. lol
I’m having my inlaws come over in the next couple of weeks and DH has already told them they are going to be looking after the kids a lot!!! As we have no family support otherwise its really hard to get time to ourselves and very expensive!! However I’m realizing now that it is something that we are just going to have to do. I have never hired a babysitter before and I’m very very nervous about it. Hence to say I think our first trip will only be a hour. Hopefully within time (like everything) I’ll get used to the idea.
Thomas is loving occasional care!! Just as I was really getting used to it, I discover he only has 2 sessions left and they are over for the term – that happened far too quick!! I’m thinking towards the end of the year I’m going to put him in 2 days so he is very used to the kinder routine.
Anyway that’s it from me :)
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Yes I have been bad L I really mean to update my blog more. So here is an update.
SIL has moved out, and I have just come back from sleep school. Jess is doing sooo much better for it too!! She is having 2 to 3 naps a day and waking max 3 times a night but mostly once or not at all. Very happy with that. When in hospital there was a girl there that was suffering PND and it truly broke my heart. She had a 8 weeks old son and wow, she arrived the same day as myself but was staying on another couple of days after me. I really hope she is ok!!! She very much kept to herself, but all day Wednesday I spent most of the day with her and she appreciated it. Counseling skills come in handy J
This leads me to my career, I know I’m a couple of years away but just cant decide if I should finish my 3 units and work for myself, or do something else. I have had a property development job fall in my lap (open for the next couple of years) that I’m seriously considering. This of course is if my brain cells ever come back, as I’m scared they have gone forever!! I’m sure baby brain was never meant to last this long!!
Thomas is such a little character now too. He went to occasional care today and made a friend with a boy named Mark. I have no idea who this is, this is the first friend he has made on his own. They were apparently getting on extremely well too sharing and playing together, wish I could have seen it!! While Thomas was there I went out with a girlfriend for lunch, wow I missed that!! Feel like I getting parts of my old life back. Seriously thinking of having a dinner party soon too as it has been 3 years since I have done this too. Very excited.
Well I’ll leave it here and make sure I don’t leave such a big time gap this time! I’m meant to be making dinner, though Thomas has just helped himself to “bob builder” yogurt, when did he get so independent? Did I miss something?
SIL has moved out, and I have just come back from sleep school. Jess is doing sooo much better for it too!! She is having 2 to 3 naps a day and waking max 3 times a night but mostly once or not at all. Very happy with that. When in hospital there was a girl there that was suffering PND and it truly broke my heart. She had a 8 weeks old son and wow, she arrived the same day as myself but was staying on another couple of days after me. I really hope she is ok!!! She very much kept to herself, but all day Wednesday I spent most of the day with her and she appreciated it. Counseling skills come in handy J
This leads me to my career, I know I’m a couple of years away but just cant decide if I should finish my 3 units and work for myself, or do something else. I have had a property development job fall in my lap (open for the next couple of years) that I’m seriously considering. This of course is if my brain cells ever come back, as I’m scared they have gone forever!! I’m sure baby brain was never meant to last this long!!
Thomas is such a little character now too. He went to occasional care today and made a friend with a boy named Mark. I have no idea who this is, this is the first friend he has made on his own. They were apparently getting on extremely well too sharing and playing together, wish I could have seen it!! While Thomas was there I went out with a girlfriend for lunch, wow I missed that!! Feel like I getting parts of my old life back. Seriously thinking of having a dinner party soon too as it has been 3 years since I have done this too. Very excited.
Well I’ll leave it here and make sure I don’t leave such a big time gap this time! I’m meant to be making dinner, though Thomas has just helped himself to “bob builder” yogurt, when did he get so independent? Did I miss something?
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Well I'm back at the gym. I have 12months until my 30th birthday and I want to be looking better than I ever have!! I have to lose 12kgs all up, so I'm gearing everything up. Have decided this year I'm going to learn to be my own best friend (harder than it sounds!!). Starting with new clothes that I have brought, sick of looking like crap. SO this year is already off to a good start.
Jess and Thomas are doing really well. I had Jess's 4 month checkup yesterday and she is going perfectly well, which I knew, but always good to hear it. Still trying to get my head around the fact that I'm a mother of two!!! I'm really loving it. Thomas makes Jess laugh all the time which is sooo good to see.
Thomas starts occasional care next Friday, the count down is on. I'm soo nervous.. I know he will love it, but I'm having a few issues - as no doubt most/if not all mothers do!! I really hope he loves it :)
Jess and Thomas are doing really well. I had Jess's 4 month checkup yesterday and she is going perfectly well, which I knew, but always good to hear it. Still trying to get my head around the fact that I'm a mother of two!!! I'm really loving it. Thomas makes Jess laugh all the time which is sooo good to see.
Thomas starts occasional care next Friday, the count down is on. I'm soo nervous.. I know he will love it, but I'm having a few issues - as no doubt most/if not all mothers do!! I really hope he loves it :)
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Sorry about the delay in an update!
Everything is going well. Jess is coming up for 4 months! She is doing extremely well, great child, really easy to handle (though I think that’s because we are better at it). She only wakes once sometimes twice in the night, and breastfeeding her is taking about 6 to 10 minutes both sides!!! (took 45mins with Thomas!).
Things aren’t as hard as I thought they would be, mind you they both go down for an arvo nap for about 2 hours which gives me a fantastic break! Thomas is showing signs of dropping his nap and for the first time in his life the other day I didn’t put him down. It didn’t turn out all that bad either! He was pretty good.
Thomas is loving being a big brother and he is helping me out a lot!!!! He wants to help all the time, I get him to put his clean clothes away ( and not just stuff them in draws! lol), get me the feeding pillow when I forget etc. He is starting to climb on things too, which I have to say is fantastic!! He has tried to climb on a few things he shouldn’t have but accepts that he cant do that. So this means now he can get his own water from the fridge, fruit from the fruit bowl etc. It is soo good.
Thomas starts occasional care on the 30th of January and emotionally I’m all very mixed up, this will be the first time my little man is away from me for an extended period of time (except when DH looks after him but even then its only for an hour). I think he will love it, but I really hope he doesn’t cry as I leave as I’m going to be a wreck! I figure I’ll do it 3 times and if things are improving and he doesn’t like it when he calms down then I’ll just take him out.
Jessica is showing signs she wants to roll – nothing solid yet, I’m about to move her from a wrap to sleeping bag as she is getting out of the wrap. Also rather than comfort her i think it irritates her. She is also very much a little chatter box too!! Loves to talk!.
So that’s about it – I hope everyone had a great Christmas and a fantastic NYE! We had a great time here J
Things aren’t as hard as I thought they would be, mind you they both go down for an arvo nap for about 2 hours which gives me a fantastic break! Thomas is showing signs of dropping his nap and for the first time in his life the other day I didn’t put him down. It didn’t turn out all that bad either! He was pretty good.
Thomas is loving being a big brother and he is helping me out a lot!!!! He wants to help all the time, I get him to put his clean clothes away ( and not just stuff them in draws! lol), get me the feeding pillow when I forget etc. He is starting to climb on things too, which I have to say is fantastic!! He has tried to climb on a few things he shouldn’t have but accepts that he cant do that. So this means now he can get his own water from the fridge, fruit from the fruit bowl etc. It is soo good.
Thomas starts occasional care on the 30th of January and emotionally I’m all very mixed up, this will be the first time my little man is away from me for an extended period of time (except when DH looks after him but even then its only for an hour). I think he will love it, but I really hope he doesn’t cry as I leave as I’m going to be a wreck! I figure I’ll do it 3 times and if things are improving and he doesn’t like it when he calms down then I’ll just take him out.
Jessica is showing signs she wants to roll – nothing solid yet, I’m about to move her from a wrap to sleeping bag as she is getting out of the wrap. Also rather than comfort her i think it irritates her. She is also very much a little chatter box too!! Loves to talk!.
So that’s about it – I hope everyone had a great Christmas and a fantastic NYE! We had a great time here J
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