Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Need to vent!
Ok well I’m getting real with myself on 2 fronts. First my weight, I went shopping for bathers on Sunday – and well you can’t hide. There was a fat chick looking back at me, even if I put my stomach in, it made no difference. (my stomach and boobs are protruding at the same level!!) I had a moment looking at myself in that mirror. Everyone around me views me as a fat chick – not two ways about it. So then I got angry, very angry. How long am I going to keep doing this to myself?? There is no running, no quick fix. I know what I have to do, so why aren’t I doing it? Sure I can come up with millions of excuses, but that the end of the day, they don’t help. I can’t wear designer nice clothes, I don’t fit into half my clothes… I used to wear really nice clothes and have a lot of pride in my appearance, but the girl looking back at me in that mirror had lost her way. I didn’t even know her anymore, she was starting to drift through life. I have never been a drifter, I have always taken charge and I was the person who was always on the go (right or wrong). So who is this girl??? So I go angry. I went home and started planning my food
Its now Friday and I have been eating really well now for the last 5 days. I’m not moving. I’m still angry. I still ask myself who the hell are you and what have you done with Sam??? But I’m using this anger to drive me forward. This time I have to succeed. I want my 30’s to see a different me, one who gets my career back and one who looks bloody hot. I want people to say – wow you have 2 kids???? No way!! SAM COME BACK!!!!!
Second, Schools for our kids. I had to make some really hard decisions…really hard. Things like is it better for me to go back to work? to afford private schools, or is it better for me to be home with my kids?? What schools would I send them to? as all the state schools around here are really bad. I went to a state school and was scarred from it. Soooo I have talked to everyone about it. I also talked to my catholic friends, catholic school have fantastic education programs, and because they are catholic, the catholic church subsides the education so the cost is unbelievable low for a top rating education. So I thought long and hard. I’m Anglican, proud Anglican. Could I convert for the sake of my kids? Long story short…yes. I did, my kids are now catholic. A lot of people will judge me harshly on my decision, but its something I had to do for my kids. Now Thomas is guaranteed to go to St Bedes and Jess, I’m not sure yet. Their marks are just as good as private schools and I’m happy in my decision. As they get a fantastic education, and we still have money and time with our kids. So I’ll leave it there, I feel much better for the vent!
Its now Friday and I have been eating really well now for the last 5 days. I’m not moving. I’m still angry. I still ask myself who the hell are you and what have you done with Sam??? But I’m using this anger to drive me forward. This time I have to succeed. I want my 30’s to see a different me, one who gets my career back and one who looks bloody hot. I want people to say – wow you have 2 kids???? No way!! SAM COME BACK!!!!!
Second, Schools for our kids. I had to make some really hard decisions…really hard. Things like is it better for me to go back to work? to afford private schools, or is it better for me to be home with my kids?? What schools would I send them to? as all the state schools around here are really bad. I went to a state school and was scarred from it. Soooo I have talked to everyone about it. I also talked to my catholic friends, catholic school have fantastic education programs, and because they are catholic, the catholic church subsides the education so the cost is unbelievable low for a top rating education. So I thought long and hard. I’m Anglican, proud Anglican. Could I convert for the sake of my kids? Long story short…yes. I did, my kids are now catholic. A lot of people will judge me harshly on my decision, but its something I had to do for my kids. Now Thomas is guaranteed to go to St Bedes and Jess, I’m not sure yet. Their marks are just as good as private schools and I’m happy in my decision. As they get a fantastic education, and we still have money and time with our kids. So I’ll leave it there, I feel much better for the vent!
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